We Aren't Ready for Some Football

Well, it's Super Bowl weekend, and that means that with Lady M on her obesity jihad, Big Guy and I won't be eating any chicken wings or seven layer dip any time soon.  She's being a pretty big killjoy this year, particularly since we're having a bunch of our bipartisan friends over to watch the game on the 60-inch, hi-def screen we have in the room the previous administration used for "national security briefings."  We've been using the room as a home entertainment center, since it's closer to the residence, and you don't have to go down four flights of stairs to the real home theater in the basement. Besides, it isn't like we've had any national security events, so why waste a perfectly good piece of technology.

While we're calling this a bipartisan party, I think we all know that that isn't the case. I mean, Congressman "Joseph" Cao, who represents parts of New Orleans, is invited, but only because we learned he was snowed in and couldn't get to Miami, and because in order for this to be considered an official White House event we needed someone of Southeast Asian descent to be here. This way, the party can be paid for using taxpayer dollars instead of out of Big Guy's pocket.

So we've got Cao coming and then we've got people we actually want to spend time with. Folks like Rep. Xavier Becerra (he takes care of our Latino quota), some Democrats from Indiana, half the Cabinet, including Bruno, and Sen. Chris Dodd, because we know he'll bring enough beer to keep the par-tay going. Bruno, who spent most of the week in Miami hanging bunting in the stadium, brought back some cool decorations to spruce up the room.

But the highlight of the day will be watching Big Guy do his pre-game interview with CBS News diva Katie Couric.  Not because he has any great insights into the game, but because he's going to announce an Executive Order that will make a dramatic change in the way Super Bowl Sunday unfolds. He's really the only leader with the vision and ability to pull it off.  See, instead of settling the game on the field, he's inviting the Colts and Saints to the White House to negotiate the winner of the Super Bowl over beers and organic hummus dip.

By doing it this way, it gives him at least eight extra hours to keep working for the American people instead of watching a game, and it means the American people have that much more time to be focused on finding jobs or earning more income to pay their taxes. We all win. Well, except for the team that doesn't negotiate well enough to win the championship.