New Name, Same Sickening Feeling

Bruno, our DHS secretary, just stuck his head into the Oval to say that he had solved the Swine Flu epidemic. In fact, Swine Flu no longer exists ... because he and his branding specialists, who are still under contract at Homeland, renamed it.

From now on, all government officials will refer to the pandemic as a "Porcine-induced Disaster."

Now some of you will scoff at this, but keep in mind the next best suggestions came from Joe Biden. In a speech tonight, he wanted to call the Porcine-induced Disasters either "The Squeeler from Tequiler" or "Montezuma's Revenge Part Dos."